The Toe That Wasn't Broken Anymore.

Imagine waking up everyday, walking into the kitchen and being surrounded by all the soft, warm, delicious Starbucks pastries you could ever eat.....

Welcome to my past three months :] 

I was reminded of this today as I was in line at Starbucks. You see, during my DTS, Starbucks always gave us a ton of pastries for free everyday. Ahh the life of a missionary.

It snowed today :] I feel like the snow brings hope to me when I need it most. Somehow I don't feel so alone when snow if falling next to me.  One night during DTS it started snowing, and it was seriously the most beautiful snow moment I have ever known.  

Ok, so, I plan on telling you a story. A very true story about healing, broken toes, and sushi.  Before my DTS I honestly would not have believed this could happen. 

I was skipping through the cafeteria, its a very looong cafeteria mind you. At the end of the cafeteria was a table (surprise surprise) and the table thought that I would stop before impact.  What actually happened instead was, I hit the table and broke my toe on its leg, rude.  I'm not gonna lie, I was actually pretty excited because it was my first broken bone ever. After about a day though, it really stared to give me problems. My friend Roman.....

Yeah, this guy :] Roman would not get off my back about having someone pray over it  for healing. I didn't want to because I thought God wouldn't do that.  I guess I didn't want God to look bad if we asked Him to heal me and He didn't. 

Word of advice: this is a very stupid thing to think. God made my toe, and He can do WHATEVER He dang well pleases with it.... I didn't need to "cover His back."

 He's God.

 With or without my obedience.  

All day, Roman would say "Hey Beth, you should come up to the prayer chapel tonight, everyone will pray over your toe. C'mon Beth! Just come try it! Everyone would love to pray for you!"

For the sake of settling Roman down, I decided that I would make the long trek up to the chapel on the hill that night. It hurt. Broken toes are no cakewalk.  10 p.m. came, the darkness outside helped my quick exit to go unnoticed.   I think I was also afraid of my pride getting bruised, because I had made such a big deal about how cool it was to finally break something.  As I climbed, I ironically met Roman coming down from the prayer chapel, "Beth! I knew you would come! Hurry! I told everyone what happened and they are waiting for you!"  Great.... we entered the chapel, and I retold my story of how it happened and which toe it was. Everyone gathered 'round and put their hands on my foot. I kept my eyes open to watch.  Ten minutes went by, and nothing happened. Then, persistent Roman put his hand over my heart and prayed

"God would you please just soften this heart.  Please just soften Beth's heart so that she would receive Your healing."

It did. I cant even explain to you how this happened or felt except that, it felt new and true. Almost immediately my toe started shooting with pain. It burned and felt like it needed to pop! I mentioned this to the group and they prayed even more. Just as soon as it started, it ceased. Roman looked up and said, "Beth, I think you should get up and walk around." I did and nothing hurt, at all. Then Addy yelled "Beth run and dance around!" I did. My baby toe felt totally normal. It was straight, pink, and healed! Roman just started laughing. "Beth, God doesn't do that.... Yes He Does!!" 

That was one of my memorable miracles from DTS.  Go God :]

P.S. Thank you Roman for pushing me and pulling up that hill (metaphorically speaking) I would not have gone up if you hadn't been so convincing.   

Oh! I really didn't have anything to say about sushi. I mean, sushi is really good, and I learned to make it during DTS, but it had nothing to do with my story. I feel like if you say that you have a sushi story, people will instantly want to read it. I mean, hey, who doesn't love a good sushi story ;]

Somehow We Keep Marchin On: part 2

There were 11 weeks of Lecture and each week we had a different speaker.

Some of my favorites were Dan Baumann, he spoke on Hearing the voice of God, and he talked a lot about his testimony. He was imprisoned in Iran, and boy did he have stories.

Then there was Jerry Preatzel…. Plumbline.   I wish I could tell you what plumbline is, but I cannot. If you really would like to know because your curiosity is peaked, then I guess you’ll just have to do a DTS or CDTS ;] 

But Plumbline was life altering, to be sure.

Phil Gazley, Colleen Millstein, Matt Rawlins, I learned more than most folks do in a lifetime…. I am still trying to process all of it. 

Today is my 19^th birthday.

“19 years is too short a time to live among such fine folk. I don’t know half of you half as much as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” I was given a beautiful ukulele and a new Pair of TOMS :]

Today my Team is in an unmentionable country, and I worry about them, only a little. I just long to be with them today more than anything…..

God please Bless Addy today. Fill her with your Holy Spirit, and show her something new today. I love her, she is such a huge blessing to me!

God be with Eric, give him the opportunity to become the leader today. Fill him with encouragement, understanding, and discernment. Ah! God I love him so much! Thank you for the huge blessing and inspiration he is to me. Bless him.

Connor, baby! God give Connor peace, and joy today! Don’t let anything get him down! Fill him overflowing with Your love and Holy Spirit fill him up today. I miss him, keep him safe.

God keep Mel and Sam strong today, give them the food they need to lead our team with wisdom. Give them wisdom and strength.

Sweet beautiful Elise, God you have given me such a buddy with this one :] Thank you! Please bless her, and give her courage today. Inspire her, fill her with Your never ending love, hold her.

Haha! Hailey! Ah! God teach her this day, show her something she has never known before, and give her such a huge heart for the children.  Inspire her and give her ideas about how to solve the different things that she will encounter. I LOVE her!

My baby hermanita Ale! God you have blessed me with a rare jewel of a friend.  Oh God, fill her to overflowing with Your love, grace, and strength. Don’t let her forget how much I love her. Help her to be a good strong leader for the team. And help our sisterly love to grow stronger over these next few months, and even though we are on different continents I know that You can do this. Please allow me to be as good of a sister to her as she has been to me. Thank You Thank You! You promised us that our love for each other would grow  and shine through for You over these next few months, please fulfill Your promise to us now.

Grace :] she is so beautiful :] God You knew that we needed her on our team, and she has been such a blessing to us. Please, help us to hear her needs, and give us what we need to pour into her. Fill her with strength, and give her a special gift for reaching out to the young adults where she is.

God hear my prayers, and please bless my whole team while they are gone.

Somehow We Keep Marchin On: part 1

I'm not gonna lie, the whole time during DTS I didn’t really appreciate our theme song, (Marchin On by OneRepublic.) I was like "What does this song even have to do with anything?!?! It’s probably just Mel’s (the school leader) favorite song and she wants us all to like it too...." I was like really cynical about this song for no good reason. Also I had completely forgotten about it until today.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps0dTI-4FcQ here it is, you should listen to it :] 

This morning I dragged my two feet out of my bed after another sleepless night, and got ready for another day of regret, heartache, bitterness, frustration, and confusion at God.  Hahaha I zombeed my way to the living room, and as I walked I looked at my feet.

"Right, Right, Right, Right, Left. 

Oh, for this dance we move with each other

There aint no other step

Than one foot

Right in front of the other"

 …started flowing through my melon.

For the first time in what feels like months, but really only a few days, I lifted my head up and started dancing/ marchin on to a revived beat... yep.... right here in my living room.  I feel like I just took a shower in Holy Water!! 

Now I am wondering if this song was specifically chosen for me, because God knew that all of my dreadful outreach business was gonna happen.  

So today, I am Marchin On. I am choosing to March on, which is something new. One foot right in front of the other :] (I miss you guys so much more than you can even imagine. It’s hard to keep marchin on when you feel like you are doing it alone.  But I bet that we are marchin on together, just on two different continents :] which isn’t so far I suppose.)  

Ok, did you know that they make banana tofu? Neither did I.  The fourth week of DTS, Kyle and I bought some at Winco.  (Kyle James Watanabe, a Norwegian Japanese ywamer, who is going to Cambodia for 2.5 years to share Gods love. Yeah, we are friends.)  One morning we used it to make Banana Tofu Pancakes, and the next morning we made Chocolate Banana Tofu Pudding.

I know what you’re thinking…. “Eww. Vegetarians….” But I’m not gonna lie,

 Both dishes were so good!

Maybe it just takes a vegetarian to appreciate the art of tofu. Wait a second….. Kyle isn’t even a vegetarian! He just appreciates fine food, so there’s something…..

So, here is a fun fact for you: there were about 30 girls in my dorm, with three toilets, three showers, and four sinks….. for some reason this never posed a problem, ever.   Go God!

The Prayer Chapel was a place of peace, a place to get away from the bustle of classes, distractions, and people and seek God. Every night there was optional worship, and group prayer.  There were regulars every night, Roman, Gaila, Darin, Addy, and Bebo.

 This one time!! I was skipping in the cafeteria and I tripped on a table, breaking my toe in the process.  We tried taping it, but it still hurt very much!  Roman was trying to get me to go up to the Prayer chapel that night so that whoever was up there could pray over me, and ask God for healing.  I didn’t think it would work, because broken toes are pretty tough to heal…..

haha… I guess I kinda forgot that we were talking about the creator of the universe.

I went and they prayed over me, touching my toe and asking God to soften my heart and accept His healing. So about this time, my toe was hurting pretty bad, and then all of the sudden it just stopped.  I got up and walked around…..

 I ran around…..

I danced around!!!

I took the tape off, it looked totally normal again! It didn’t hurt, and where it had been bent and crunched in, it was straight, and healed!!

God doesn’t do that kind of stuff……. Yes He does!

One of the programs that was running during my DTS was called Project Revelation, or Pro Rev. There were three students in it, Lusiano, Anna and Kyle. They are in training to go live long term in unreached countries in order to make the name of Jesus known. I am praying about doing this after my next DTS.

Lusiano, 29, is going to India and Thailand to open a dance school and use that as his ministry.

Anna,19, is going to Mali Africa to help rebuild a community, and in the process give the persecuted women worth by creating jobs for them.

And I already mentioned Kyle, 19. He is going to Cambodia to work on the YWAM base there, learn the language, and start working with the children and young adults, teaching a drumming school as his ministry.

I had the honor of getting to know these guys and girl. They are my good friends, probably the closest, and they have inspired me to be the best that I can, and daily seek God with everything I have. I can see Jesus in them, to be sure.

God, Give Me the Food I Need to Live Through Today.

Well here we are….

I think I’m gonna start off with a quote by one of my heroes…

“Baby, God, He’s so crazy, sometimes I think He is Mexican. Or maybe He is Russian, because I not understand Him sometimes….”

                                          ~Alessa

Hi. My name is Beth.  As you read about my time at YWAM Salem, you might look at it physically and then believe that I’ve failed….. I know I do some days. But the reality I often fail to realize is: I’ve won. :]

I’ve won!

The victory is mine, I just have to reach out grab what is before me.

I ran the race. And “How we start the race is much more important than how we finish, not to mention it defines how we finish.”

The night before my Team left for Thailand, my sweet sister Elise and I sat on the roof of one of the Ywam buildings with blankets. We talked of the days to come, and gazed contently at the stars, in pure awe of how BIG God is, and how squash darn beautiful and creative He must be.  It’s the memories like this that keep me fed these days. 

My heart feels so empty sometimes……. In my head I know that God has some big, better, different plans for me…. But my heart aint feelin’ it.   My heart has broken into 28 pieces and is scattered over the world.  

One of my biggest nightmares as a child was being left behind somewhere. It leaves me with the feeling of being alone, misunderstood, and forgotten.  I have been left behind. Why did god allow this to happen to me……? I was reminded of Job today.  I wish he was alive right now so I could have a conversation with him.

Over the past few weeks, I have been struggling a ton with Gods decision, and I just keep crying out to Him “GOD! I need YOU!” in response He always said “Then live like you need me.”    “GOD!!! What does that mean? What does that look like?!” silence………. 

Today I get it. I know now what it feels like to be in need of God. And let me tell you, it’s the most beautiful place to be with Him. Its hard to explain unless you’ve been there. 

Constantly I have to choose to stop pushing Him away out of my anger and frustration at Him, and let Him pull me close.

He wraps His big arms around me, and pulls my head to His chest…. I hear and feel His heart beat if I listen carefully.  I don’t want to leave this place of needing Him to literally hold me up everyday.  We don’t even have to say anything to each other. He is comfortable with the silence and so am I. 

So where do I go from here?  Well, We’ve made some plans, and for now it looks like I might redo my DTS in another country. Yes its true: I wont be able to graduate with the rest of my class, because I didn’t complete my Outreach phase.  

I have learned more than most people do in a lifetime. I have grown in every area of this life I call mine.

Lecture phase for me was a race that I have won. 

In the next few blogs, I will tell you about the things I have been going through during my DTS Lecture phase over the past few months.  One thing I realized is:

Blogging takes a chunk of time, which is something I didn’t have during DTS. 

I am excited to tell you about what I’ve been up, but I just really needed to let you know what I feel right now. There will be more posts about the crazy Ywam details and such, just stick with me. I have some of the greatest things to share with you :] And I cant wait to recount the stories with you, because I love you. 

 Keep praying for me please. I think I need it. Pray that God rebuilds my broken heart, and also pray that I will allow myself to grow stronger through this and not just give up. Everyday is a struggle right now.

Peace out.